I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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