It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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