Pants 0. Shit 1.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
