O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
