Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
