She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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