it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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