please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
