I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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