My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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