I got chris browned last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50