chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.