I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss