there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.