When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
