Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
