I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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