I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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