You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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