ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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