what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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