He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
