I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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