she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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