I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
