This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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