eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
