she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
