Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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