Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
