That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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