I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
