The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
