he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
