This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
