You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
