I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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