She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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