She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
