idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I want is dick and wine.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
