Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
