how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
