Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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