How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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