hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
