Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
