i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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