She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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