Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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