Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
