your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
