Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
