I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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