my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
