My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
