i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
