my mouth tastes like poor choices
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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