there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
