I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Two words: blizzard sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
