I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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