clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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