His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
