What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
