Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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