The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
