my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
