I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
