so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
