perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
