y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm too high and old for this...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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