you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone signed my nipple.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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