Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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