Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
